These are some of the terms bantered around once the story broke on CNN that Dean Turner and Eric Schrott had perpetrated a clever bit of trickery to gain the upper hand in VGM7's heated Beach Spikers Volleyball competition. Some found it strange that this tandem was able to deliver serves at 99% power every F-ing time, overpowering their bewildered foes. But as it turns out, there was a good reason for that. Namely, it was the same guy serving every time.

Evidentally Dean knew the secret to a killer serve, although it is not clear whether he achieved this by supernatural means or pure skill. Anyway, when the game alternated serve between the two teammates, Dean and Eric would surreptitiously swap controllers to keep those killer serves coming. Had someone noticed and blown the whistle at the time, there almost certainly would have been an uproar, followed by calls for disqualification, and a subsequent riot. Chances are, my house would have been burned down.

The person who volunteered information about this deception asked to remain anonymous, and has since been placed in a witness relocation program. Apparently his 16-hour testimony was corroborated by photographic evidence, which is currently under lock and key downtown and being guarded 24x7.

As news of the scandal leaked, emails began to circulate like a school of pirana. Although Dean and Marc were initially accused, Marc was exonerated once it was revealed that Eric Schrott was in fact the second player. Who would have thought??

Included on this page are edited/censored versions of the strongly-worded emails that ensued. Note how quickly the accused turned upon each other! Is there no honor amongst thieves?!

This was the last known photo taken before the alleged incident.
Dean and Eric, who perpetrated the hoax, are seated on the right. Note how suspicious they look.
The two men on the left (Steve and George) were the innocent victims.

Don't let the losers tarnish the integrity of the event..... I can prove it....I am not the VP of Operations at that company that is listed below, but I am pretty sure Marc G. works there. It's a setup!!

Gentlemen,
I have spent the last 37 years of my life building an impeccable reputation of honesty, hard working and humility. I will not lower myself to defend those accusations, especially against my own friend and team mate. Remember I was drinking therefore, my memory was very vague. However, I am capable of serving a freaking volleyball at 99% power. Remember I use to be somebody in high school!! If Deane thinks I am a non threat, wait until the next time I see him (with my bowling ball). I think Dave runs an incredible and respectable tournament. I will accept any punishment he deems appropriate if someone can produce some concrete evidence and not from a loud mouth, back stabbing, drunk, competitive sneak!
Eric K. Schrott, CPA

Frankly, I also have to side some with Dean. I was all ready to put the smackdown on the both of them until I found out that Eric couldn't function well enough to hit "Reply All" on the email. I'll sign the sympathy card, but this must be treated as absolute SCANDAL for the historians that peruse the Web site. And then we should all vote on a dumb ass tax for next year. Or maybe the ones that got hosed should decide that fate?

Dave,

There are too many sides and too many versions of the infraction(s) in question. Your tournaments have always been held under the premise of "implied" sportsmanship. But lately it has become a haven for scoundrels, cheats, and grifters.... as these rodents take advantage of your relaxed protocols to do what they do best- that is, robbing legitimate contenders of their "opportunity" to compete.

I say "opportunity" b/c everyone has a right to compete FAIRLY... even if they DO suck and would ultimately lose anyway. But whether or not they suck is no excuse for others to dismiss fair play.

Passing the controller back-and-forth is such a homo maneuver... those who practice it might as well be passing their [censored]s to each other. I bet they can [censored] each other off at 99% power.

Let's dispense with the drama, controversy, and protracted discussions and just DISQUALIFY ALL persons involved in the heinous acts. Even if you have a doubt or suspicion, DISQUALIFY them. If they received any awards or prizes, I would strip them of these endowments... much like they strip for Michael Jackson when he was their nanny.

Being that I wasn't at the event itself affords me the objectivity necessary to render these unbiased comments and proposed resolution. The consequence may seem harsh, but it will go a long way towards lending respect and credibility to your tournament... and your own integrity and resolve!

I look forward to viewing the updated VGM7 standings on your website. I better not see any homos swapping [censored] and [censored] off at 99% power (If you're wondering where the other 1% is, it's for the energy required in swallowing their [censored] [censored]).

Sincerely,

Obi Tuan Kinobi

On the record, I discourage unsportsmanlike conduct in video game tournaments in accordance with longstanding international statute 32.54345a (section 4b) established back in 1834. In future VGMs, teammates caught swapping controllers could be immediately disqualified, forfeiting the game.

Off the record, however, I say that trickery and deception is an integral part of the VGM legacy, and should it go on without my knowledge, so be it. Player will not be held accountable for their actions after the tournament is over and the hangovers have subsided. In this particular case I actually admire Eric and Dean for not only pulling off such an underhanded maneuver, but doing it so effectively!

That said, I suspect it will be far more difficult for them to pull off chicanery of this magnatude in the future, considering the reputation they've established for themselves. Competitors like Steve and George will surely use the incident to fuel the unquenchable rage that burns within them... at VGM8! Stay tuned...

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