Scene It		Grade: C-
	Publisher: Microsoft (2007) Reviewed: 2008/3/20 Rating: Teen

As one of the few critics with an unexplainable appreciation for the full-motion video (FMV) "phase" of the early 90's gaming scene, I gravitated towards this oddball title. Scene It is a movie trivia game for up to four players. Each contest is a series of mini-games, and four small controllers are included to make it easy to answer the multiple-choice questions. At the top of the controller is a large "buzzer" which is rarely used and hardly necessary. Your controllers need to be in range of a sensor that runs from a USB port, and they can be flaky in terms of responsiveness. When the game begins you watch a short movie clip and answer questions related to it. In subsequent mini-games you'll identify a movie from a prop, an audio clip, or a partial movie poster. There are literally dozens of variations, and they vary dramatically in terms of entertainment value. Most are fairly enjoyable, but a few, like the one that asks you to unscramble movie names, are unspeakably bad. Scene It's movie selection is respectable, covering all major genres from the black-and-white era to the present. Obviously you'll fare better with films you're familiar with, but sometimes you'll get stuck with an oldie. Unfortunately, after the first round you're penalized for wrong answers, which takes the fun out of making educated guesses. The idiotic announcer is another liability, spewing corny lines like "I hope you have a good memory because mine is... um what was I just talking about??" Har dee har har har. Worse yet, this jerk relentlessly ridicules players who are losing. He annoyed my wife so badly that she wanted to stop playing half-way through the game!! By all means, be sure to turn that sorry bastard off via the options menu. Even Scene It's scoring system is flawed. During the final round, the point values are multiplied by each correct answer. If you're familiar with the movie in question, it's possible to score more points on one question than you earned in the entire game! Bogus! Who was the bonehead who designed this thing anyway? There are some technical issues as well, like pause screens that won't let you select anything except "resume". As a movie lover, Scene It should have been a treat, but this botched title is more of a cautionary tale. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

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1 to 4 player

Sega Rally Revo		Grade: B+
	Publisher: Sega (2007) Reviewed: 2008/1/3 Rating: Everyone

I've been a fan of the Sega Rally series since it debuted on the Saturn in 1996, and this third edition effectively resurrects the franchise from a long sleep. Revo offers addictive off-road racing in a series of exotic environments ranging from tropical, to desert, to snowy mountains. This game has an easy-to-play arcade look and feel you don't see very often anymore. Initially the steering seems tricky, but with a little practice you'll be power sliding around corners with ease. You might expect the brake to play a vital role in the slippery conditions, but it's usually more effective to simply let off the accelerator to initiate a slide. Hell, even bouncing off a guardrail is better than using the brake! Like most arcade racers, an invisible wall prevents you from veering off the track, and you'll be grateful for it. Cars don't incur damage either, which is also a good thing. Mud and snow tends to get caked onto the bottom of your car, which looks cool. The left bumper of the controller lets you cycle between views, and although the "windshield" offers the most immersive vantage point, the "high" view is slightly easier. Vibration feedback also enhances the experience, along with the crisp sounds of gravel, mud, and snow under your tires. Your five fellow-racers are some sneaky bastards, trying to cut you off at every opportunity. As retribution, be sure to slam into them around sharp curves to minimize your turn radius. Sega Revo's scenery isn't spectacular, but the courses have a realistic quality that's appealing. They tend to be reasonably short so you can finish a race within five minutes. But my favorite aspect of the game is the snow. Not only do you plow through deep snow in the Arctic, but on Alpine tracks the snow becomes more treacherous as you climb a mountain, and gradually melts away as you approach lower elevations. Revo's packaging boasts about its "Geo-deformation" technology, but apparently that just means your tire tracks remain in the road over subsequent laps. They don't seem to affect your handling at all. Sega Rally Revo has an addictive single-player championship mode, despite an annoying number of menu screens that all look the same. The two two-player split-screen mode is exceptionally good. Sega Rally Revo is not great in any way, but very good in every way, making it feel like more than the sum of its parts. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

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1 or 2 players

Simpsons Game, The		Grade: C+
	Publisher: Electronic Arts (2007) Reviewed: 2008/1/27 Rating: Teen (animated blood, crude humor, language, suggestive themes)

This game is a trip! The Simpsons Game is the first I can recall to effectively break the "fourth wall". Not only does it constantly acknowledge the fact that it's a video game (and a TV show), but it mocks all of the standard video game conventions. There are breakable crates ("as seen in everything"), exploding barrels, invisible walls, pressure pads, enemy-spawning portals, and dozens of other hackneyed concepts we've come to expect in our games. I love how the invading aliens debate about exposing the "weak spot" of their saucer after every four laser bursts. Although the hub of the game lets you freely roam Springfield, the stages take you to specific locations such as a lumber mill, an aquarium, and a natural history museum. Two characters embark on each mission, and since they need to work as a team, the game is much more enjoyable when you play with a friend (via split screen). Each of the four main characters has special powers. Bart can transform into Bartman, Lisa can move items telepathically, Marge uses a megaphone to round up mobs to do her bidding, and Homer can assume odd forms like the destructive rolling "Homerball". Playing a game that pokes fun of every other video game does have a drawback - it also plays like every other video game! That means you'll engage in a lot of routine platform jumping, button-mashing fighting, tedious item collecting, and lever-pulling puzzles. Some stages, like the "Cheatrix", are almost unbearable. Even so, the game's wicked sense of humor keeps it afloat. The jokes and quips come early and often, and the game is genuinely funny. In one scene the mayor decrees: "I have decided to ban the game Grand Theft Scratchy from minors - the only ones who want to play it!" Some of the best lines come from the aliens, who exclaim "Killing humans is like sex to us" and "I was Dick Cheney all along!" You'll also play Simpson-ized versions of many classic games including Joust, Gauntlet, Metal of Honor, Space Invaders, and Missile Command. One stage relentlessly mocks Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, effectively exposing that game for how ridiculous it really is. Unfortunately, while these send-offs are fiercely entertaining, they aren't particularly fun to play. The Simpsons also has its share of technical issues. The control scheme is surprising unintuitive, although constant hints are provided to prod you along. The controls are erratic, which is truly evident in the Frogger stage, which should be simple but is absolutely frustrating. The camera often provides lousy angles and requires constant adjustment. There's lots of stuff to collect, but only specific characters can collect certain items, and that absolutely stinks. On the surface, the game looks absolutely beautiful, with crisp visuals, bright colors, and smooth animation. The Simpsons Game may be guilty of style over substance, but die-hard fans can probably bump up the grade by one letter. NOTE: I have been advised that the Xbox 360 version has better graphics and more content than the Wii version. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

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1 or 2 players

Sneak King		Grade: C-
	Publisher: King Games (2006) Reviewed: 2006/12/22 Rating: Everyone

Just what the world needs - another stealth game! Talk about a concept that's been beaten to death! Still, there's something appealing about freaking people out as "the King" with his creepy plastic face. Or maybe I'm just a sick bastard. Anyway, at first I couldn't figure this game out, until my buddy Steve pointed out that you could only scare "hungry" people with burgers in "bubbles" over their heads. Once you get a feel for it, Sneak King is actually a fun little game. The wandering people sport Metal Gear-like "vision cones" that are clearly visible on the main screen (no need to check the radar display). This makes it easy to avoid detection, and once you begin to recognize their movements, you can pop out of barrels, crates, and bales of hay. Upon successfully surprising a person, King breaks into a little dance before presenting the sandwich. While comical at first, you'll soon grow weary of these animations and find yourself tapping buttons in a vain attempt to expedite the process. The first stage takes place in a sawmill (odd!), but later stages include a neighborhood cul-de-sac and a city at night. The missions become trickier as you progress, and it can get pretty intense as you attempt to deliver a certain number of sandwiches within a short time limit. Sneak King has a certain charm and an addictive quality the other Burger King games lack. At $3.99, this one really took me by surprise. NOTE: This game also plays on a regular Xbox, with slightly degraded graphic quality. © Copyright 2006 The Video Game Critic.

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1 player

Sonic the Hedgehog		Grade: F
	Publisher: Sega (2006) Reviewed: 2007/1/10 Rating: Everyone

Sega's famed mascot has had his ups and downs over the years, but there's simply no excuse for this outrageously bad game. The fact that it bears the same name as the original Sonic the Hedgehog (Genesis, 1991) is a slap in the face to long-time fans. Presented in high definition but unplayable at any resolution, this ill-conceived debacle is structured like Sonic Adventure (Dreamcast 1999), but lacks the charm, polish, control, and element of fun. As if the developers were trying to emphasize the worst aspects of previous Sonic titles, you'll endure pointless chatting with townsfolk, brainlessly "bop" the heads of countless robots (just keeping pressing A), and barrel through stages while almost completely out of control. The idea of integrating the cartoon-ish Sonic characters with realistic human figures is as creepy as it is idiotic. The "touching" cut-scenes between Sonic and the shapely female character are so utterly embarrassing that they had me reaching for a barf bag ("All I need... is your smile"). Back in the day, the Sonic games featured light-hearted themes, imaginative stages, crisp controls, and simple gameplay. This new Sonic, on the other hand, is bogged down with pointless dialogue, confusing objectives, idiotic stage designs, and abysmal control. The "hub" of the game is a little town where you buy items from LL Cool J and chat with people who have nothing interesting to say. The "action" stages aren't much better, thanks to a spastic camera that makes it impossible to keep your bearings. In the desert stages, you instantly drown when you touch the sand!! Think about how stupid that is! Still, it was quite amusing to hear a friend yell, "Oh no!! SAND!!" The new "ring attacks" are a confusing mess, and the boss battle with "Silver" is the worst ever ("Take that! It's no use!!"). The ill-advised new "super speed" stages have you whizzing through long stretches so fast that you can't properly steer or anticipate obstacles. Evidentally, Sega fired their entire Quality Assurance department, because the game's obvious bugs and general lack of polish is astounding. Besides the jumpy camera, there are collision detection glitches, inexcusable pop-up, clipping problems galore, and kung-fu quality lip-syncing. It's not unusual to suddenly lose control of your hedgehog as he momentarily moonwalks in place. The loading screens are so excessive that I had to sit through a 15-second load screen just to watch a lame, 5-second clip. The graphics are high-definition, but no more detailed than the Dreamcast titles - only sharper. I find it hard to believe that somebody at Sega thought this game was a good idea. This is a disgrace. Sonic the Hedgehog has been defeated. © Copyright 2007 The Video Game Critic.

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1 player

TMNT		Grade: C+
	Publisher: Ubisoft (2007) Reviewed: 2007/6/19 Rating: Everyone

Though not a huge fan of any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT) television shows or movies, I consider the franchise be synonymous with video games. On the NES and SNES, the four turtle heroes provided a number of memorable (albeit repetitive) side-scrolling adventures. In recent years however the franchise has fallen on hard times with an awkward transition to 3D. All things considered, this TMNT game represents a return to form for the franchise. At its core, the gameplay hasn't changed at all since its 8-bit days. The platform jumping is still vanilla, as are the frequent encounters with bands of ninja clones. You begin in a jungle training mission before moving on to the urban environments, including sewers, back alleys, and rooftops. I almost had to laugh at all of the old-school cliches, including jumping over electric beams, dodging steam vents, fighting on elevators, and hopping across rafts in electrified water. The stages tend to be lengthy (up to 30 minutes), and the scenery is very repetitive. If jumping over a laser beam five times in a row is sufficient, this game makes you do it 25 times. So why do I like TMNT? Well, technically it's extremely well done; you can tell the programmers really knew their stuff. The controls are perfectly crisp and responsive, allowing you to hop between platforms, scurry along ledges, and climb fences with speed and precision. The brisk pacing gives the action a "race against the clock" quality, and it's fun to see how fast you can make it to the end. The fighting action is simple, with special moves that look a lot like break dancing. The graphics are more detailed that the cel-shaded visuals of the previous game, but the use of color is surprisingly restrained. As a matter of fact, many stages are primarily rendered in black and white. They won't wow you, but you can always tell what's happening, and I had no issues with the camera. The audio features an understated but well orchestrated musical score, and the voice acting during the cut-scenes is exceptionally good. Expect to hear a lot of goofy dialogue like "awesome super sensationalistic bro!!" Oh yeah - there's one other thing you need to know about TMNT: It's one-player only! That's right, you can "tag-team" with your three "bro's", but you only control one turtle at a time! That's disappointing, but TMNT still exudes a degree of enthusiasm and polish that makes it hard to dislike. © Copyright 2007 The Video Game Critic.

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1 player

Table Tennis		Grade: C-
	Publisher: Rockstar (2006) Reviewed: 2007/2/25 Rating: Everyone

Every now and then a game comes along that other critics rave about, but I'm left scratching my head wondering what all the fuss is about. Table Tennis isn't bad, but how a major game magazine could even consider naming this "sports game of the year" is beyond comprehension. Table Tennis was originally designed as a demonstration of the new Grand Theft Auto graphics engine, and it looks the part. The characters appear stiff in the face, but their body movements are quite natural - particularly their physical reactions to good or bad shots. The game's physics engine is beyond reproach. The balls convey an uncanny "lightness" and bounce with the utmost realism. Although it borrows its basic gameplay from Sega's Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast, 2000), Table Tennis isn't nearly as fun or addictive. The action unfolds so lightening-quick that it's hard to employ much strategy. The control scheme seems overly complex at first (using nearly every button), but it does provide for absolute control over the power, location, and spin of each shot. Making superb use of the vibration function, you can actually "feel" when your shot is in danger of missing the table. The game's one-player tournaments are unreasonably difficult (the CPU gets to everything), and unlockables open much too slowly (great, I won another shirt color). Most of the matches against my friends were terribly one-sided, although that might be attributed to my propensity to suck. There's really nothing wrong with this game. Table Tennis really hasn't been done before in a video game, and this is probably as good as it could be done, so I'll give it the credit it's due. But please, let's not get carried away here. © Copyright 2007 The Video Game Critic.

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1 or 2 players

Test Drive Unlimited		Grade: D-
	Publisher: Atari (2006) Reviewed: 2007/8/14 Rating: Everyone (language, mild violence)

I've heard other critics refer to Test Drive Unlimited like it was an arcade racer, but that was not my experience at all. In fact, I think Unlimited leans more towards the realism end of the spectrum. It's sort of like Need For Speed Most Wanted without all of the fun and excitement. Set in Hawaii, the developers have meticulously recreated the entire island of Oahu for this game. Having vacationed there in the past, I'd say the game does a respectable job of capturing the general look of the place and its key landmarks. The tropical scenery includes palm tree-lined highways, green mountains, and soaring skyscrapers, but after a little sightseeing the novelty wears off really quick. When attempting to travel around the perimeter of the island, I kept getting stuck on roads that loop around on themselves, which was annoying. Test Drive Unlimited uses a Google-Earth type of system to map the island and a GPS system to guide you to any location. The main story mode has you arriving at the airport before picking up a rental car and finding a place to live. As you progress through the game, you'll buy virtual houses and stock your garages with actual cars that look great and handle realistically. In addition to racing through the streets, a hodge-podge of missions includes time trials and driving hitchhikers to various locations within a time limit. You'll need to commute to each new challenge, but once you've been to a location, you can instantly jump to it via the map screen. The GPS system works about as well as those in real life, meaning it's mediocre. Once you start getting tired of the exotic scenery, Test Drive Unlimited becomes a bore, causing you to drive faster and get into a lot of accidents. That puts the police on your tail, and once they catch you they'll take your money, or worse, send you to jail. In jail, you'll need to sit there and stare at the screen for a minute of real time. That's right folks, you literally serve time in the game! Who in the hell thought that was a good idea?! The races themselves are not very interesting, and the difficulty takes too long to ramp up. The shopping and customization elements are meant to add depth, but they just make the game feel tedious. I had high hopes for Test Drive Unlimited, but in the end it just bored the hell out of me. © Copyright 2007 The Video Game Critic.

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1 player

Tomb Raider Anniversary		Grade: C
	Publisher: Eidos (2007) Reviewed: 2008/1/27 Rating: Teen (mild suggestive themes, violence)

Ten years after the release of its groundbreaking adventure, Eidos has released this Anniversary edition of Tomb Raider with updated stages "inspired" by the original (Playstation, 1997). It's an important distinction because despite a few key scenes and familiar sound effects, this feels like a completely different game. You'd expect an old Tomb Raider vet like me to be giddy as a schoolgirl about this update, but I am decidedly underwhelmed. Eidos incorporated the controls of Tomb Raider Legend (Xbox 360, 2005), and they are so intuitive and forgiving that it will be difficult to ever go back to the original game. New moves include the slow-motion "adrenaline dodge" and the ability to swing from grappling hooks. Laura now grabs onto anything by default, and can scale walls and hop between ledges with fluid ease. Unfortunately, the benefits of the new controls are offset by the excessive number of leaps you're expected to make! Laura has to jump around each level like a little monkey, and it gets annoying! Are these supposed to be tombs or jungle gyms? The stages are expansive, and some ascend to dizzying heights, but passages tend to loop back on themselves in a confusing manner. Backtracking is common, so don't get too happy after you traverse a hallway of perilous ledges and traps, because chances are you're going to have to go through it again - in the other direction. The early stages have you contending with wild animals, but eventually you'll face centaurs, mummies, and demons. Anniversary's graphics are about on par with Legend, and Laura's facial expressions are surprisingly well rendered. The audio features a sparse but effective musical score and memorable sound effects from the original game. When you hear the howl of a nearby wolf, it's quite unsettling. Sadly, Anniversary can't quite duplicate the spellbinding experience of the original game, and this became clear to me in the lame T-Rex encounter. The game has a few technical glitches here and there, including enemies that become partially embedded in the scenery, and you'll often need to fiddle with the camera. On the bright side, the load times are short, the checkpoints are frequent, and you can save your progress at any time. Tomb Raider Anniversary struggled to maintain my attention, but for gamers with a lot of time and patience, Anniversary offers a heck of a lot of adventure for your money. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

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1 player

Tomb Raider: Legend		Grade: A
	Publisher: Eidos (2006) Reviewed: 2006/5/21 Rating: Teen (blood, language, suggestive themes, violence)

With her career in "free fall" mode for years, Laura Croft is back in a fantastic new adventure that should return respectability to the franchise. Combining awesome visuals, intuitive controls, and a reasonable difficulty level, Legend is the most accessible Tomb Raider ever. The gameplay is an engaging mix of exploration, puzzle solving, high-speed chases, and shootouts with bosses and mercenaries. Climbing, jumping, grappling, and swinging are executed with remarkable ease. Since Lara automatically grabs onto any nearby ledge, there's much less of a chance that you'll accidentally fall to your death. Better yet, you can hang on to most ropes and ledges indefinitely without getting tired. Shiny objects and radio clues keep you on track, ample heath packs keep you strong, and checkpoints are both generous and well placed. It's as if the Eidos developers read every Tomb Raider critique ever written, and addressed every issue. Most of the puzzles are like none you've seen before, and many involve pulling objects with your grappling hook. But while the controls are perfectly suited to slow, deliberate movements, they tend to be a bit sluggish and inexact when fast action is called for. The mediocre targeting system doesn't detract from shootouts with bad guys (which tend to be easy anyway), but when facing bosses like the serpent in King Author's tomb, they can be a real nuisance. Fortunately, most sequences that require a series of fast actions are played out in cinematic cut-scenes that prompt you to hit buttons at critical moments to avoid danger. It may sound lame, but these are very well executed and a lot of fun. The obligatory shootouts with thugs are fairly shallow (strafe and fire away), but I do like how you can shoot up scenery (like exploding barrels) to cause further mayhem. In terms of graphics, Legend's crisp wall textures, majestic waterfalls, and spectacular city skylines put the 360's graphic prowess to excellent use. Despite reports to the contrary, Lara Croft herself has retained her sexy, voluptuous figure - and thank God for that! She looks hotter than ever, especially in her black dress and heels (wow). She walks in a more feminine manner, and her voice sounds very much like Angelina Jolie (who played her in the films). The game's exotic music soundtrack is understated but effective, and the dialogue is outstanding. Unlike the mindless drivel of most games, Legend features first-rate voice acting with clever banter between Lara and her cohorts. I actually cracked up a few times listening to some of more funny lines. The game runs about 10-12 hours, which is long enough to get your money's worth, but short enough that you can actually finish the thing (people with real jobs know what I mean). Polished, fun, and madly addictive, Legend is easily the most satisfying Tomb Raider game since the series debut on the Playstation in 1996. © Copyright 2006 The Video Game Critic.

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1 player

Virtua Tennis 3		Grade: B
	Publisher: Sega (2006) Reviewed: 2007/9/18 Rating: Everyone

The original Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast, 2000) is a timeless classic. Easy to play and insanely addictive, it raised the bar for multi-player sports action. Unfortunately, when a game's that perfect, there's nowhere to go but down. As a result, subsequent editions of the game have received less enthusiastic receptions. Virtua Tennis 3 is a solid title with smooth animation and entertaining mini-games, but the magic has faded. In addition to a topspin (normal), and lob, you also have a slice shot, which is best used for defense. The graphics are average but the animation is incredibly lifelike, and you'll occasionally witness a wild shot like a hit between the legs. The World Tour mode lets you build up your various abilities like footwork, serve, and volley before entering various tournaments. The over-the-top mini-games are pretty awesome. You can knock down bowling pins, aim for a giant bulls-eye, or catch an avalanche of tumbling fruit! Each game is extremely addictive despite an excessive number of prompts and load screens (would a "retry" option be too much to ask for?). I was loving the World Tour until the game informed me I had suffered from a fractured wrist, which instantly set my abilities back in several categories! That meant I had to go back and play many of the mini-games over again! What the hell?! The tournament mode lets you get right down to business against a series of opponents, but I really wish there was an option to save your progress between matches. There are a lot of big-name profession players (both men and women) to choose from, but where's Serena Williams? The versus mode accommodates one to four players, and while it's certainly competitive, it's not quite as fun as the original game. When teaming up with a friend to play doubles, the CPU opponents are tough as nails! Virtua Tennis 3 is probably as good as an any tennis game out there right now, but if you've played any of the previous editions, this might not do much for you. © Copyright 2007 The Video Game Critic.

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1 to 4 players

X-Arcade Unplugged Volume 1		Grade: B-
	Publisher: Microsoft (2006) Reviewed: 2006/10/28 Rating: E-T (simulated gambling, mild fantasy violence, comic mischief, mild cartoon violence)

I was pretty psyched when I heard about this unlikely compilation. I've long resisted the urge to join Microsoft's Xbox Live on-line service, but I've heard intriguing things about one particular X-Arcade game called "Geometry Wars". Geometry Wars headlines this collection, but does it live up to the hype? Is it really the best game for the system? Is it worth giving up your life savings or selling a kidney for? Yes. Absolutely. An entrancing combination of Asteroids (1979) and Robotron (1981), this ultra-addictive 2D shooter offers visceral non-stop action, visual splendor, and an ass-kicking techno soundtrack. Heck, this one game justifies the entire package! The other five titles on the disk are far less compelling. Bejeweled 2 is a Tetris-inspired puzzler with attractive graphics and a pleasant new age soundtrack. Hexic is another puzzler played by rotating hexagonal gems. Both feature the same brand of simple but relaxing, mesmerizing gameplay. Hardwood Backgammon is a single-player version of the classic board game, but it benefits from an intuitive interface and helpful tutorial. Outpost Kaloki is best described as SimCity in space, but despite its offbeat sense of humor and big-band musical score, it failed to hold my attention. Wik: The Fable of Souls, is a ho-hum platformer with a visual style similar to Abe's Odyssey (Playstation, 1997). If you can imagine playing a platform game with a mouse, you'll have a pretty good idea of what Wik's about. Texas Hold 'Em is a sharp version of the popular card game, and I found it to be a useful tool for learning how to play. So where's the "arcade" in X-Arcade Unplugged? With the exception of Geometry Wars, you can't help but get the feeling that Microsoft was trying to unload its "worst sellers". Even more insidious is how you cannot record your high scores unless you're logged into Xbox Live! So let me get this straight: Microsoft calls this "unplugged" and then forces you to log in to use a key feature? In light of this, the package starts to look like a cheap gimmick to lure off-line customers onto the service. X-Arcade Unplugged gets by on the strength of the phenomenal Geometry Wars, but ultimately it comes off as a glorified demo disk. © Copyright 2006 The Video Game Critic.

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1 or 2 players